From The Memoirs Of The Late Bartholomew Fatima
by Shimegami
Summary: Rating for cursing and general non-happy kid stuff. The first chapter of the semi-diary/biography I promised in my other Xenogears fic. Bart presents the real feelings behind the story of saving the world.


From The Memoirs Of The Late Bartholomew Fatima BY: Shimegami Warnings: Yaoi hints, kinda angsty, my character intrepretations (so may be OOC) Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. AN: I included an insert in my other Xenogears fic from this story, and I finally decided to write it. It's half from the memoirs, half flashbacks.  
  
From The Memoirs Of The Late Bartholomew Fatima  
  
Hello.  
  
I have a story to tell.  
  
You probably already know it, it was the battle for the fate of the world after all.  
  
The only problem is, no one ever knew just what was really happening until the very end of it, even the ones fighting the battle. Every step was carefully controlled until the very end. Until the puppets cut their own strings. Until the puppets became aware of their master. Until the warriors gained their final purpose.  
  
You know, if you read a history book, it's all incredible cheesy. It's like reading some romatic fairy tale, and I guess it was, to the onlookers. Everything was glossed and perfected for the masses, the minor details such as the bloody battles and the countless lives lost eliminated so as not to lose that "knight in shining armour vanquishes evil" image.  
  
Of course, you can't expect anything different, it's just a memory now, a story to send children off to bed.  
  
But I remember the so-called "minor details". I remember how it feels to watch cities topple from the sky, to stand beside people you've known for less than two months and watch them go through immeasurable pain, and not being able to help them because you're feeling that pain too.  
  
When it was all over, everyone was so relieved. It was the traditional party after the destruction of evil, where everyone gets smashed and has fun, and forgets what the daylight might bring. Yeah, we were getting smashed too, "the crew", the ones who fought God and won. But we weren't partying. We were trying to forget. Trying to forget what we had done, and what tomorrow might bring when the sun comes around the corner.  
  
Who said saving the world was a happy deed, anyway? That person needs to be shot, if they aren't already dead.  
  
Do you know how many people died in the fall of Solaris?  
  
They, of course, had to reveal themselves after it was over. The few remaining higher-ups(and trust me, there weren't very many. Only four government officials survived, and none of the military ones besides the Elements.) were all tried and sentenced. The Elements got away with ten year terms. The government officials got life.  
  
Fei and Elly broke up, didn't you know? It was secret. After it was all over, once and for all, everything got de-romanticized for them. They weren't compatible beyond the bonds forced on them, and once those bonds were broken, well...  
  
Elly commited suicide about two years after their falling out. Fei became a recluse, and he and Citan retreated to the mountains, and no one's heard from them since.  
  
Sigurd and I couldn't get the heart to search for them. They needed their peace, as much as we needed ours. You know, to this day, I still don't know if either of them is alive or dead.  
  
Well, I assume they're alive. There was always something between them, a bond that wasn't love and wasn't friendship, but more simple. They just understood each other, somehow.  
  
Sigurd.  
  
He died a few years back. Not surprisingly, he was the older one after all. Still, I miss him. He was always there. Old Maison, that dear old bat, died about five years after "the incident". Heh, the saving of the world is "an incident". Well, I was there, and it wasn't some marvelous thing. Poor Sigurd. Well, he lived and long and happy life, and I'll be joining him soon enough. I just hope this stupid life story of mine will enlighten (disillusion) some people out there.  
  
Well, let's review, children.  
  
Lesson number one: Heroism isn't all that it's cracked up to be.  
  
Lesson number two: Sometimes, life just really bites and you just have to deal with it.  
  
Heh heh, those last two lines had me feeling something like my old self again. I was so reckless and trigger-happy back then. I was never carefree, but perhaps a little less worried and burdened than I became. After all, "saving the world" has just a slightly higher degree of magnitude then "reclaim your throne".  
  
Well, I'm getting tired. Damn this old body, I can't even sit up for a few minutes anymore without getting breathless. I'll continue this after I've slept a little.  
  
Yeah, just a little sleep.....  
  
~TBC~ AN: Wheee.......Bart gets angsty! And cynical. o.O;;  
  
Do you notice I have a tendency to write a lot of compound sentences?  
  
Reviews? Flames? Chocolate-covered bishounen? 


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